February 11th, 2010

wart

Twitterpated

  • 13:27 @willmatheson Hey, at least there isn't yet such a thing as "post-modern physics." #
  • 13:42 @thelindsayellis @Nellachronism But since the Vietcong did win, how come there's no VC Day? #
  • 13:45 @JaredofMo Are there any trains that you really DO need fame to ride? Limos, sure, but trains? #
  • 13:47 @NowIsStrange Well, that's not something that's likely to happen this year, is it? #
  • 13:50 @douggpound No,
    "re-doubled" implies it was doubled, then halved, then doubled again. Not the same as quadrupled. #
  • 13:53 @alyankovic Midnight Star #
  • 13:55 @smallVshop Wait, does that mean your shop is made of Lady Gaga's organs stapled together? That's sick! #
  • 13:56 I've never watched Lost, but didn't Godzilla already kill the Smoke Monster? Or was that the Smog Monster? #
  • 13:58 @NowIsStrange @huggythuggy Maybe the fact that he's been watching Leno is why he keeps trying to scratch his eye out. #
  • 14:00 Apparently the snowplow knocked over our mailbox. #
  • 14:01 @aimeemann I just knew he was a famous Portuguese man o' war. #
  • 14:01 I do not care to share the seas with jellyfishes such as these, particularly Portuguese. #
  • 16:20 @3x1minus1 So important, in fact, that my nickname is "Motherboard"! #
  • 16:20 Why did @aimeemann need a Twitter to have private conversations with @PFTompkins? :P #
  • 16:25 I'm making a movie with Carol Channing, Catherine Bell, and Kristen Bell. It'll
    be called "Carol and the Bells." #
  • 16:25 Zoe Bell will be the stunt coordinator. #
  • 16:26 Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens. #
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Victor

Signs of Evil

Have I been picking on recent music too much recently? After all, it's not like there wasn't plenty of terrible stuff in the past as well. So today, let's go back forty years and look at one of the worst lyrical compositions I know of, "Signs," by the creatively named Five Man Electrical Band. Our narrator here is an anti-authoritarian hippie who thinks signs are just an attempt by The Man to keep us down. I'm not sure whether he makes exceptions for road signs or not, but I think a fitting fate for this dude would be to slide off a bridge because he didn't heed the "bridge may be icy" sign. And this song doesn't just get stupid eventually, but starts right in with the dumbness.

And the sign said long haired freaky people need not apply

Are you SURE that's what the sign says, or are you just having an acid flashback? Besides, if that IS what it says, I'm not sure how to parse it. Does that mean SHORT-haired freaky people are okay? And what about people with well-maintained long hair? Questions, questions, everywhere a question.

So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do
So I took off my hat I said imagine that, huh, me working for you


Wait, so he goes in to complain about their hiring policy, and they offer him the job? The economy must have been a lot better back in 1970. And a hat is all it takes to make a freaky hippie dude look like "a fine upstanding young man"? This hat must be more impressive than Clark Kent's glasses!

And the sign said anybody caught trespassing would be shot on sight
So I jumped on the fence and yelled at the house, Hey! what gives you the right
To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in
If God was here, he'd tell you to your face, man you're some kinda sinner


Sorry, one-fifth of the Electrical Band, but if I criticize people claiming to know the will of an ineffable being in order to promote their right-wing agendas, it's only fair that I do the same for your bizarre pseudo-anarchist position. I think what gives the landowner the right is that he paid for it. Hey, I have some socialistic tendencies, but I think the band's argument is rather flawed. Do you think the singer guy would like it if somebody was squatting on his lawn, claiming that God said it was okay? If He were here, I think He'd tell you to your face you're a friggin' hypocrite.

The song goes on in this manner, and I don't think there's any point in dissecting the rest, but this line is definitely deserving of mention:
Sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside Uh!

It's like, "I don't even need to bother elaborating on this. I'll just grunt, and that will get my point across just as well." To be fair, I think the song as a whole would have made just as much sense if they'd just grunted the whole thing. Finally, our long-haired freaky narrator talks about going to church and leaving a note in the collection plate because he doesn't have any money. I'm sure the pastor appreciated that. So this guy hates seemingly arbitrary rules and regulations, but is okay with mainstream religion? Yeah, I think there might be a significant flaw in that way of thinking.

So that's "Signs." No relation to the M. Night Shyamalan film of the same name, although they're both pretty bad. And they both mix religion into the story in a horribly awkward way. Hmm, maybe there's more of a connection than I thought.
wart

Open Letters to Lovers and Haters

To All of You Who Hate Valentine's Day: Hey, I'm not a huge fan of it either, but why take it so personally? Remember, it's not about mocking you for not being in a relationship, but about selling overpriced chocolate in heart-shaped containers. [1] If you're not dating anyone, why is it even on your radar? I can sympathize with you to an extent, as it IS annoying to see other people having fun together when you're all alone (and I'm not even necessarily talking about significant others here; I spent much of high school and college being jealous of people just for having close friends). But is it THAT big of a deal? I don't know. bethje likes Valentine's Day, so we usually do something for it, but I unfortunately don't have a romantic bone in my body. (Okay, that's not entirely true. My third lumbar vertebra is actually quite the Casanova, but what can it do from its current position?)

To All of You Who Like Music: Check out my newest mix! There's no theme or anything; it's just music I've been enjoying recently. Let me know what you think!

To All of You Who Hate Collages: You probably shouldn't bother looking behind the cut.

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[1] Whoever decided that shape was supposed to be a heart, anyway?