February 26th, 2010

wart

Twitterpated

  • 12:42 @thelindsayellis My wife says the Rainbow Brite movie is better. #
  • 12:43 @thelindsayellis Hey, that sounds cool! You should put up the outtakes. #
  • 12:45 @Neil_Hamburger Yeah, everyone knows the only way to get inspiration for Alice-related stuff is opium! #
  • 12:49 @JaredofMo No, I don't think good women try to have books banned from libraries, or insult anyone who asks them difficult questions? #
  • 12:50 Why would anyone do something crazy for a Klo
    ndike Bar? They're not that expensive, are they? #
  • 12:50 Maybe it's something like giving an ice cream sandwich to a well-behaved terror suspect. #
  • 13:46 Maybe this is a stupid question, but was Audrey Tatou named after Audrey Hepburn? #
  • 18:23 Thanks for the domain advice. It's too bad I have very little idea how to make a site. #
  • 23:26 Why am I so tired? I slept a lot today. I guess it wasn't very good sleep, though. #
  • 23:30 @juliasegal There's definitely a similarity, but I wouldn't say it counts as a rip-off. TLC's song doesn't even mention polar bear
    s! #
  • 23:31 Is "She's Out of My League" the sequel to "A League of Her Own"? #
  • 23:38 @gick7 Good to know I'm not the only one! #
  • 23:40 @NowIsStrange I can't hear "wifey" without thinking of the Simpsons episode where Chief Wiggum calls Marge "knifey wifey." #
  • 23:41 @pshumate What number is it? #
  • 23:41 I've heard tomorrow is Purim. Screw you, Haman! #
  • 23:47 @<
    a href="http://twitter.com/kimboekbinder">KimBoekbinder</a> Maybe the Tin Angel on 2nd Street? #
  • 23:48 Are you Team Jacob or Team Esau? #biblefunnies #
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Victor

It's Still Billy Joel to Me


I like Billy Joel's music, but the guy's attitude gets on my nerves. It's that whole tough-guy front that I complained about with Jay Leno. Why are you people so insecure that you need to act like that all the time? Afraid someone might think you're gay? Hey, I'm kind of surprised that Billy is willing to tour with Elton John, for fear of accusations of flamboyance by association.

I've been thinking of doing one of my dissections for a Billy Joel song, but I wasn't sure which one to go with. I considered "Captain Jack," but I couldn't think of that many jokes other than "huh huh, he said 'masturbate.'" So here's my look at the 1977 song "Only the Good Die Young," about a guy trying to convince a Catholic girl to have sex with him. I can agree with him in a sense, because while "no sex before marriage" might be a useful guideline for some, I really fail to see how a marriage license is the key to preventing sin. Isn't God usually portrayed as operating more subtly than that? Still, while I have nothing against premarital sex, I don't think that means you need to do it with the first schmo who expresses interest, which seems to be what this song is suggesting.

Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait
You Catholic girls start much too late


That's not entirely true. Some of them just get married young to people they hardly know.

Ah but sooner or later it comes down to fate
I might as well be the one


So the narrator is saying that this girl's fate is to have sex, so she might as well have it with him as anyone? What a crappy pick-up line! It's making "Did you fall from Heaven?" sound sensible. Why not argue that the ban of premarital sex dates back to a time when women were considered property? I'm sure it still wouldn't work, but at least it would sound less smug.

Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray

Yeah, I know Catholic churches are full of statuary, especially when compared to other Christian houses of worship, but I'm still kind of amused by this line. Hey, Billy, are you sure she's a Catholic, and not a worshipper of Ba'al Hadad?

You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd
We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud


I've seen pictures of you, so I know you're not too pretty. You DO come across as awfully proud in this song, though.

We might be laughing a bit too loud
Oh, but that never hurt no one


Hurt? Maybe not. Annoyed the crap out of everyone in the vicinity? Most likely. They're probably those obnoxiously noisy teenagers sitting the next table over at a restaurant.

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun


I'd say that depends on what the sin is, wouldn't you?

Said your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation

Nah, he could probably also give you an STD.

The way this song comes across, it sounds more and more like she's rejecting this guy because he's a jerk, and just using the Catholic thing as an excuse. But maybe that was intentional. I don't know.

Anyway, here's the source of the title (WARNING: not a real video, just various old Weird Al pictures and clips):

This was one of Weird Al's early songs, before he started getting permission for his parodies. I've heard that Billy didn't like it, but I don't know for sure. While relatively mean as far as Al goes (it's one of his few parodies that directly mocks the original song, like "This Song's Just Six Words Long" and "Smells Like Nirvana"), I don't think it's really that harsh. I guess it's a bit outdated now, though. It would be years before Al released an officially sanctioned Billy Joel parody, "Ode to a Superhero" (to the tune of "Piano Man") in 2003. I've also heard tell of something called "A Matter of Crust" that he would occasionally play in live medleys, but have never heard the song itself.

And while we're on the subject of Al, here's his interview with Billy: