1. Not only will you have to wait months for a heart transplant, but there will also be a disco dance contest for heart patients. Only the five best (as chosen by a panel made up of Paula Abdul, Louis Farrakhan, and KC from the Sunshine Band) will be allowed to receive transplants.
2. All hospitals will be required to include members of the ACLU and ACORN on their directorial boards.
3. Euthanasia machines will be placed in public school nurses' offices, to be used by students who are worried about their bad grades.
4. Medical marijuana will be not only legal, but mandatory for all Americans. Cigars, on the other hand, will be banned.
5. Starting at the age of two, children will be given weekly doses of Viagra. Also, a twelve-pack of condoms will be given to every new baby at birth.
6. Heterosexual sex will only be permitted twice a year, on the summer and winter solstices, and only with a signed note from the local Sex Enforcement Board.
7. Elected representatives from Compton and East St. Louis will raid Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet once a month.
8. All privately owned guns will be confiscated and given to doctors, so that they can shoot children with Down Syndrome.
9. In order to pay for the plan, a 100% tax rate will be instituted on anyone who has ever voted Republican.
10. The new mandatory treatment for the flu will consist of drinking diet soda mixed with ashes from burnt-up Bibles and American flags.
11. The blood of anyone who waits until marriage to have sex will be drawn and drunk by Angelina Jolie.
12. All SUVs will be melted down to make needles for required injections of a fluid that gives people both heroin addiction and an overwhelming need to see George Clooney movies.