I'm sure you know by now that cartoons based on video games were an important part of my formative years, which is probably why I'm so messed up now. And if you've watched any of these cartoons, you know how many odd changes were made from the actual games, especially in Captain N. Wanting to know whether these were simply the whims of clueless executives or matters with valid explanations, I once again consulted the Mushroom Guru. And I finally uncovered the Star Road that leads to the top, so no more tedious treks up Giant Snowy Mountain, or whatever that place is called!
Q: So, first of all, what's with King Hippo? Why did he change from flesh-colored to blue?
A: You'll notice that, in the game, he had a bandage over his belly, where he was weak. In an attempt to solve this problem, he drank an untested gypsy remedy, which turned his skin blue. It also contained a fair amount of estrogen, which is why his breast size increased.
Q: Princess Lana wasn't in any games, was she?
A: Actually, believe it or not, she was one of the villains in the game Super Glorious People's Devil Revolution Happy Fun Positive Thinking Jihad, which was never released due to its controversial mixture of philosophies, including communism, Satanism, pop psychology, and Islam. What's known of it is that it involves the main characters overthrowing the monarchy, and Princess Lana and her father King Charles are both bosses.
Q:Why was Captain N always claiming he remembered things from video games when they didn't actually happen in the games?
A: Well, people who play a lot of video games tend to dream about them. (Editor's Note: I know I do.) And heroes often have prophetic dreams. So Captain N, as both a gamer and a future hero, would occasionally dream about events from games that weren't actually in them, but were things he would later experience in Videoland. His memory tends to confuse the two, as happens sometimes. I still can't remember whether that yeti I saw the other day was a dream or reality.
Q: Why are the characters in the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartoon always referring to Earth as the Real World? Wouldn't the Mushroom World be MORE real to them?
A: It's actually a reference to the explorer Russula Real, the first inhabitant of the Mushroom World to successfully warp to Earth and back.
Q: Why is King Koopa bald in the cartoons?
A: His hair burned off when he fell into the lava at the end of the first game. That's also why he's never shown breathing fire in the show. Doctor's orders, you know.
Q: Why didn't Wart appear on the show?
A: He had a LONG recovery period after being taken out with those vegetables. It was a few years before he was even able to move around on his own. And he was too big for Ostros, so he made a group of Shyguys push him around in a wheelchair.
Q: What's with the flying Birdos? They don't fly in the game!
A: Of course not! They're all guarding specific areas. What kind of guards would they be if they flew off and abandoned their posts?
Q: Why did the Koopalings have different names?
A: Aliases, to try to throw the police off their track. It didn't really work, though.
Q: Why does Link talk in the cartoons, but not in the games?
A: How would you like it if someone were saying, "Excuse me, Princess!" every five minutes? Eventually Zelda got fed up and cast a Mute spell on him.
Q: But isn't there more than one Link?
A: Yes, but they're all...linked. Get it? Seriously, it's due to the transmigration of souls.
That's all for this week. And if you haven't read my previous Mushroom Guru columns, here are Part 1 and Part 2.